I think you are saying that one of these things has a 3 pin XLR and the other has a 5 pin XLR.
There is no electrical compatibility problem, its just different connectors, just a pain in the neck - what you need is a simple cable converter like
this.
The Behringer is correct here, and the American DJ is wrong here - the correct connecter is (and always has been) the five pin connector, but many manufacturers have fitted the three pin over the years. In the most recent version of the DMX512 specification, the use of 3 pin XLRs is specirfically banned.